your name is on repeat

"cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes"
(secondhand serenade, your call)

when everything was falling apart..
when all hopes seemed lost..
and screeches were the only noise i hear..
His light shines and darkness scatters..

thanks for being the light..

perlukah ini?

"i know now You're my only hope"
(only hope, switchfoot)

hati makin penat..
kepala makin pening..
badan naik malas..
kalau aku diam aku dianggap tak amik peduli..
kalu aku bersuara pun orang cakap jugak..

buat la seribu baik pun..
sekali kau buat silap, akan tertutup la seribu baik ko..
tapi tu bukan alasan nak berhenti buat baik..

satu2 tali2 mule terlepas..
tarik satu tali, tali lain lak mule melorot..
camne la nak pegang semua tali..
kalau lepaskan semua tali terus takpe ke?
camtu lagi adil kan?

jangan la ingat persahabatan tu boleh campak2 camtu je..
kau tarik muka kat kawan, kau rase dia x terasa?
tapi kalau dengan aku, kau nak tarik muka tarik la..
selagi aku mampu, aku akan tetap senyum..
kau nak terima ke tak nasib la..
tak guna membenci; buat hati terbakar je..

harap maaf kalau ada kata2 yang bunyi macam kasar..
takde perasaan bengang mahu pun benci masa aku tulis ni..
penuh perasaan penat je..

malam ni misi mengadu lagi..
harap sudi la mendengar..
jangan la lepas pandang kat aku..
tinggal Kau je la yang aku ada..
dengarkan aku irama kurniaan Kau supaya aku lebih tenang..

a little rain won't hurt

"learning to breathe..learning to crawl..
i'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall.."
(learning to breathe, switchfoot)

and so it's time to face the truth.. are you that ready? try and lie to mr. heart and see if you can.. see if it doesn't tear you even more on the inside.. tell yourself you don't need her.. tell yourself you can pass one day without thinking of her.. see if you can even get pass telling yourself that..

hearts lie alot! so lie to it back.. if that's the right thing to do..

the broken glass will bring in more sunlight

"say my name and his in the same breath..
i dare you to say they taste the same..
let the leaves fall off in the summer..
and let december glow feel flames.."
(i don't care, fall out boy)

have you ever felt the desire to change for someone? how do you know that she's worth it? without her doing nothing, she changes you in so many ways.. God works in ways unexplainable to us.. many have tried and all have failed.. but she doesn't try and yet did what they can't.. but the question remains; is she the one?

your days are now filled with visions of her.. the feeling of insecure when she doesn't reply your message.. the audacity that suddenly comes just to make her a little less gloomy.. towards such extend that your world now revolves around her..

yet you are not in a place to tell her how you feel.. for fear of her leaving.. for fear of the same letdown love can bring.. yes it'll be sweet at first.. but love brings no guarantee of what's going to happen along the way.. the trail of previous failure are barely hidden.. and you're ready to start another?

what options do you have? can you contemplate taking time to ponder the possibilities? or are you prepared to risk it and let her know how you feel, just so everything is clear between you? you may lose her but at least try not to lose yourself..

you try to find a time to talk to her.. but the time never seem apparent.. either that, or you are simply finding an excuse to put it off till later.. till you feel that it's ok to say it.. till you feel that you can deal even with a rejection.. which is more important to you; knowing how she feels, or letting her know how you feel?

sincerity maybe the answer here.. you can't possibly keep it from her forever.. being with will be harder and harder over time.. the pain will be so excruciating that you feel like bursting.. the pain will eat you inside..

now weigh your options; and decide.. for life will give you only as much as you dare to risk..

bleaching away a tainted heart

"back to the street where we began..
feeling as good as love, you could, you can.."
(nine in the afternoon, panic at the disco)

they say friends are forever.. and that you can lose love but never friends.. isn't it best to have both love and friends and never to lose them? the ideal perfect world a person can dream of.. unfortunately perfect is so far from our reach.. or so it seems..

hearts are dumb.. one instant they tell you they are tired; and they start thumping again the next.. meeting someone new can bring a whole new meaning to your seemingly meaningless life.. but to find a meaning to one's life is nothing compared to bringing a meaning to others..

to feel scared is normal.. its how you deal with it that matters.. negativity is not an answer; it will bring you nowhere but further down.. there's a solution to every problem; a clue to every riddle.. never be scared to try and find them.. scour if you must; but never shroud..

people come and people go..
those who leave will never know..
for those who stay, one day it'll show..
the rain we'll come, and later rainbow..

to anyone who cares to: this heart is yours to paint

let the trouble i cause be the reason

"cause i'm a mess and you know that i can't help it..
trihone never seemed this long before"
(take this to heart, mayday parade)

Yes i'm one who shares only his joy and not his grief with his closest people.. if that is wrong, then i'm sorry.. i don't see the need to trouble others over my problems.. does that mean i don't trust them enough to share my worries? Heck no! it's because i trust them that i choose to do so.. i know that if they know my grief, they'll try their level best to help.. just like i would for them.. to those who know me enough, you know it's hard for me to say 'NO'.. not when you call for help.. not when you need someone to talk to..

i see friends as my reason to smile; the source of my laughter.. and i would not want to change that by burdening them with my sorrow.. sorry people, i know you care but that's just how i am.. I know i don't usually show it but i do care about everyone close to me.. i'll do anything to lend a helping hand..

i believe that everything we do is governed by our intuition.. the heart will tell the body to act accordingly to show how it feels.. but at certain points, even hearts get confused.. this ain't what can easily be explained by logic.. something that you can't see doesn't mean its not there.. maybe if you look hard enough, you'll see the unseen.. feel what is deep inside a person.. help him express what even his heart can't.

they say that when you love someone, you would do anything for that person.. but apparently 'would do' and actually 'doing' is a whole different thing.. sometimes they don't ask and so you don't know.. and sometimes you do it, but it just ain't enough.. the complication of a relationship is just so beyond reasons..

for You i would change, so please give me the strength.. show me what is wrong and what is right.. send me Your message however You choose to.. let me know that You are willing to listen to my plead and prayer..

in You i trust..

the tick of the clock in the early morning

"i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless..
i don't want to smell you and lose my senses..
and smile in slow motion..
with eyes in love"
(foolish love, rufus wainwright)

i've been lost before and i found my way back;

but the scares that it left still make me aware.
is perseverance as a key enough to solve our problems?
or do we need to remedize a concoction for every single one?
if so, then how thick will our spellbook be?

what is the true definition of happiness?
to be able to act without thinking;
and not be blamed if it was a mistake?
to be able to owned everything we want with little effort;
and not be criticized for the choice we make?

in an analogue world we still stay.
where everything in truth is very much the same.
and everything we do carries a weight.
but to what extend do we really care?
do we even care?

in finding the truth we'll uncover more questions.
ones that we ourselves are forced to ponder on.
will we be left outwitted by our own desire to seek question rather than answer?
will we ever be able to find the answer to life?
is there even an answer to start with?