and if you must know, even stars can fall

Contemplation,

so hard can it pull the mind;

making you wonder in nothingness..
And still we let our minds fly far;

and be dragged so deep into thoughts..

Thoughts that sometimes can be oh so compelling;

and at some, so disturbing..

So long has it left vacant;

and so often has it let broken..

And by the one who treasures it the most;

no other than the one who hosts..

And so it's time it is put to rest;

not to go but to stay in place..

Go oh go, your place shall be taken;

not by no more than the one you're taking..

black and white with purple coating

The different personas that a man could have can sometimes be too much of a confusion; to himself, let alone to others. It is by going through changes that you would feel the better in the new and the worse in the old. And then there will be times that you would start contemplating between what you now try so hard to believe by heart is true and what was felt before.

‘Wisdom is the key’, we say; yet wisdom itself sometimes brings a man much closer to the feeling of idiocy. And we start to search again for something to strengthen the feeling that is now felt so undescribingly dear, holding our mind and heart so as not to be pulled back to the senseless demeanor of life.

It is when we find a purpose in life that we would feel the happiness that it brings. The purpose that to some may felt as a burden, and to others, a blessing that we try so hard to clutch on to. None can do it alone; that's not how life was meant to be. Always we try to live a lonesome life, telling ourselves how easy it is to see life. Yet unknowingly deep down inside, our little hearts scream for a saviour.

So leisurely we stroll through the courses of life. Without realising that time is what we have not. And we make up reasons to back our actions, when the evidence of Truth could not be much clearer.

and the legend lives on...

"..and remember, it is only in the remembrance of Allah that the heart find peace"(13:28)

How further away from the truth do we want to go before we realize the need to find a way back?
Why is it so hard for us to see that what we have now ain't nothing but of nothing's worth.
And what waiting are far more valuable that the world in whole.
We can't expect anyone to save us but ourselves.

Let us set a time.
A time to start leaving these lies; and start searching for the light.
A time to start opening our heart, cleansing it from these worldly desires, pouring in what is more of forever's worth.
A time for our heart to start desiring nothing but His love and pleasure.
And let the time be NOW...

the wind never felt colder

"guess i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"
(need you now, lady antebellum)

the pain it brings..

the agony it carries..
yet none can stop it from being wanted..
like a fire that burns..
and inflict wounds wherever it touches..
yet it bring warmth to those who dare to close in..

time will never give way to man..
and neither should man to time..
yet we calmly let it pass by..
leaving us broken, alone in desolation..
looking back to what we had and lost..
and what we could have but slipped..

forever will we wait for the truth to come..
the longed desire to be wanted and cherished..
patiently we wait for the Sign to hit..
yet when it does, we're too blind to see..
numbed it is as the heart may be..

trembling in the dark with nothing to feel

"25 minutes to late.."
(25 minutes, MLTR)

do not lie to people..
do not toy others' feelings..
do not show concern when you can promise nothing..
life is better off alone, then be with someone who isn't actually there..
it's been fun but i think its time for me to leave..
peace out!

greens are so much better in the morning

"i started out alone; and in the end that's where i'll be"
(sad story, plain white t's)

happiness is so overrated?

what we do can bring so much impact to another person's life..
but is it worth it to contemplate between self's and other's..
to each his own..

sacrificing for others to feel jovial may sound noble but how deep will it hurt you?
and how long will the joy last?
its either you hurt them now, or hurt them harder later..

can you be selfish when it comes to happiness?
to let go of the pass and move on?
to search for what has never been found all this while..
your conscience might kill you..

fight for what you think is right..
and what you think is best for the future..
for what will happen may be vague..
but that's what God left for us to find out..

your name is on repeat

"cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes"
(secondhand serenade, your call)

when everything was falling apart..
when all hopes seemed lost..
and screeches were the only noise i hear..
His light shines and darkness scatters..

thanks for being the light..

perlukah ini?

"i know now You're my only hope"
(only hope, switchfoot)

hati makin penat..
kepala makin pening..
badan naik malas..
kalau aku diam aku dianggap tak amik peduli..
kalu aku bersuara pun orang cakap jugak..

buat la seribu baik pun..
sekali kau buat silap, akan tertutup la seribu baik ko..
tapi tu bukan alasan nak berhenti buat baik..

satu2 tali2 mule terlepas..
tarik satu tali, tali lain lak mule melorot..
camne la nak pegang semua tali..
kalau lepaskan semua tali terus takpe ke?
camtu lagi adil kan?

jangan la ingat persahabatan tu boleh campak2 camtu je..
kau tarik muka kat kawan, kau rase dia x terasa?
tapi kalau dengan aku, kau nak tarik muka tarik la..
selagi aku mampu, aku akan tetap senyum..
kau nak terima ke tak nasib la..
tak guna membenci; buat hati terbakar je..

harap maaf kalau ada kata2 yang bunyi macam kasar..
takde perasaan bengang mahu pun benci masa aku tulis ni..
penuh perasaan penat je..

malam ni misi mengadu lagi..
harap sudi la mendengar..
jangan la lepas pandang kat aku..
tinggal Kau je la yang aku ada..
dengarkan aku irama kurniaan Kau supaya aku lebih tenang..

a little rain won't hurt

"learning to breathe..learning to crawl..
i'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall.."
(learning to breathe, switchfoot)

and so it's time to face the truth.. are you that ready? try and lie to mr. heart and see if you can.. see if it doesn't tear you even more on the inside.. tell yourself you don't need her.. tell yourself you can pass one day without thinking of her.. see if you can even get pass telling yourself that..

hearts lie alot! so lie to it back.. if that's the right thing to do..

the broken glass will bring in more sunlight

"say my name and his in the same breath..
i dare you to say they taste the same..
let the leaves fall off in the summer..
and let december glow feel flames.."
(i don't care, fall out boy)

have you ever felt the desire to change for someone? how do you know that she's worth it? without her doing nothing, she changes you in so many ways.. God works in ways unexplainable to us.. many have tried and all have failed.. but she doesn't try and yet did what they can't.. but the question remains; is she the one?

your days are now filled with visions of her.. the feeling of insecure when she doesn't reply your message.. the audacity that suddenly comes just to make her a little less gloomy.. towards such extend that your world now revolves around her..

yet you are not in a place to tell her how you feel.. for fear of her leaving.. for fear of the same letdown love can bring.. yes it'll be sweet at first.. but love brings no guarantee of what's going to happen along the way.. the trail of previous failure are barely hidden.. and you're ready to start another?

what options do you have? can you contemplate taking time to ponder the possibilities? or are you prepared to risk it and let her know how you feel, just so everything is clear between you? you may lose her but at least try not to lose yourself..

you try to find a time to talk to her.. but the time never seem apparent.. either that, or you are simply finding an excuse to put it off till later.. till you feel that it's ok to say it.. till you feel that you can deal even with a rejection.. which is more important to you; knowing how she feels, or letting her know how you feel?

sincerity maybe the answer here.. you can't possibly keep it from her forever.. being with will be harder and harder over time.. the pain will be so excruciating that you feel like bursting.. the pain will eat you inside..

now weigh your options; and decide.. for life will give you only as much as you dare to risk..

bleaching away a tainted heart

"back to the street where we began..
feeling as good as love, you could, you can.."
(nine in the afternoon, panic at the disco)

they say friends are forever.. and that you can lose love but never friends.. isn't it best to have both love and friends and never to lose them? the ideal perfect world a person can dream of.. unfortunately perfect is so far from our reach.. or so it seems..

hearts are dumb.. one instant they tell you they are tired; and they start thumping again the next.. meeting someone new can bring a whole new meaning to your seemingly meaningless life.. but to find a meaning to one's life is nothing compared to bringing a meaning to others..

to feel scared is normal.. its how you deal with it that matters.. negativity is not an answer; it will bring you nowhere but further down.. there's a solution to every problem; a clue to every riddle.. never be scared to try and find them.. scour if you must; but never shroud..

people come and people go..
those who leave will never know..
for those who stay, one day it'll show..
the rain we'll come, and later rainbow..

to anyone who cares to: this heart is yours to paint

let the trouble i cause be the reason

"cause i'm a mess and you know that i can't help it..
trihone never seemed this long before"
(take this to heart, mayday parade)

Yes i'm one who shares only his joy and not his grief with his closest people.. if that is wrong, then i'm sorry.. i don't see the need to trouble others over my problems.. does that mean i don't trust them enough to share my worries? Heck no! it's because i trust them that i choose to do so.. i know that if they know my grief, they'll try their level best to help.. just like i would for them.. to those who know me enough, you know it's hard for me to say 'NO'.. not when you call for help.. not when you need someone to talk to..

i see friends as my reason to smile; the source of my laughter.. and i would not want to change that by burdening them with my sorrow.. sorry people, i know you care but that's just how i am.. I know i don't usually show it but i do care about everyone close to me.. i'll do anything to lend a helping hand..

i believe that everything we do is governed by our intuition.. the heart will tell the body to act accordingly to show how it feels.. but at certain points, even hearts get confused.. this ain't what can easily be explained by logic.. something that you can't see doesn't mean its not there.. maybe if you look hard enough, you'll see the unseen.. feel what is deep inside a person.. help him express what even his heart can't.

they say that when you love someone, you would do anything for that person.. but apparently 'would do' and actually 'doing' is a whole different thing.. sometimes they don't ask and so you don't know.. and sometimes you do it, but it just ain't enough.. the complication of a relationship is just so beyond reasons..

for You i would change, so please give me the strength.. show me what is wrong and what is right.. send me Your message however You choose to.. let me know that You are willing to listen to my plead and prayer..

in You i trust..

the tick of the clock in the early morning

"i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless..
i don't want to smell you and lose my senses..
and smile in slow motion..
with eyes in love"
(foolish love, rufus wainwright)

i've been lost before and i found my way back;

but the scares that it left still make me aware.
is perseverance as a key enough to solve our problems?
or do we need to remedize a concoction for every single one?
if so, then how thick will our spellbook be?

what is the true definition of happiness?
to be able to act without thinking;
and not be blamed if it was a mistake?
to be able to owned everything we want with little effort;
and not be criticized for the choice we make?

in an analogue world we still stay.
where everything in truth is very much the same.
and everything we do carries a weight.
but to what extend do we really care?
do we even care?

in finding the truth we'll uncover more questions.
ones that we ourselves are forced to ponder on.
will we be left outwitted by our own desire to seek question rather than answer?
will we ever be able to find the answer to life?
is there even an answer to start with?

the falling trees won't crush my spirit

"there's no combination of words
i could put on the back of a postcard..

no song that i could sing
but i can try for your heart.."

(better together, jack johnson)

he was a trickster; a clown; a devious joker;

never had a care for the world but to make merry;

his days were full of tricks and pranks;

pulled on others to make them smile;

played on self when no one was around;

yea he sure knows how to have fun;

so much so that he disregarded things much dearer to life.

she wasn’t a princess but she sure grace like one;

she touched him even without her knowing;

worse even without HIM knowing;

how perfect a man can think his life is?

to be indomitable from the charm of such beauty;

one glance and he fell slightly;

still holding on to his cheers and merry;

many times after and oh he’s so in a snag;

lost in the maze of what’s probable.

(end of part 1)

healing a broken brain

"the broken clock is a comfort..
maybe it can stop tomorrow
from stealing my time.."

and memories of you shall be the curtain as i sleep..
and never shall they rise but for sweeter view out the window..

and we shall dance with the moon as our spotlight..
and silence of the night our music..

yet another story to dream of

"my hands shake,im not usually this way,
but you pull me, and i'm a little more brave"

yes sometimes i stop talking..
doesn't mean i've stopped caring..
and given up everything

what is there more to say?
what is there to prove?
with uncertainty of the immaculate truth

i am what i try to be..
what is it that we are supposed to see?
when nothing is to be seen..

and maybe its time that it all falls apart..
and reassemble in a different way..
but the future is forever a visionary mystery..
still a vague and distant dream....

Photo Album>Wedding>08/08/09 Ridzwan&Sharifa

"On the day that you were born, the angels got together..

they decided to create a dream come true~"

(close to you, the cranberrys)

(more photos at www.mymohdnorasyraf.shutterfly.com)

kick him while he's down!

"Not a whisper; the only noise is the receiver..

i'm counting the seconds until you break the silence..

so please just break the silence"

how the heck did my sleeping time change to 8am~2pm?

a start of an insomnia attack?

man, have to revert back to my normal sleeping time..

so not good when in a few days, the new term will start..

ahhhh..what is there to do after waking up so late in the afternoon yet there's nothing to be done?

go for round two!!!!

yeah..this is the life!

tribute to a megastar

this maybe my first entry with honest words and direct title to match.
i woke up early today to send my dad to work.
and what a shock to hear that the king of pop died this morning.
the media reported that not much is known of how or what he really died of though some made claims that it was due to complications of the heart.
God knows if that's the truth.

Jackson was great.
he wasn't called The King for nothing.
who cares if he had some scandals which branded him a 'maniac', a 'whacko' a 'freak'?
the fact remains - he was, and will always be one of the unrivaled best.
and there was never a concrete proof anyway to support what they claimed he was.

being a legendary crowd-pleaser, michael had scores of supporters.
news of his death jolted hundreds to rush to the hospital where michael was rushed to.
the news was also broadcast on a screen in New York's Times Square where many more broke into sudden moan and tears.

few months back (probably later than most people), i found out that he was converting (or has converted) to Islam.
many have thrown claims that it was nothing more than another publicity stunt.

but again, who are we to judge?
we should wish for him the best if its true, and if not, then for sure he has touched many hearts and inspired many young minds even before.

a great man goes but everything he was great for will forever stay.
Michael Jackson will always be in the heart of those who have learned to love him.
may he rest in peace.

"dont let nobody take you down

just keep your eyes on the prize
and get your feet back on the ground
keep the faith, baby yea
because it's just a matter of time
before your confidence will win out
but till that day i said, you've got to keep the faith"
- Michael Jackson, 1958 - 2009 -

honesty of a big fat liar

"you can't give up,
looking for diamond in the rough..
you never know when it shows off..
make sure you're holding on..
cause it could be the one,
the one you're waiting on"

and so we are lost in a maze of our own twisted thoughts;
confused by our own feelings that we were so sure of a while back..

oh why is it so hard to answer to ourselves?
contemplating between reasons of the head or feelings of the heart..
weighing what is there to be gained and what will be lost..

let it go if; there's no one at the other end..
hang up; if nobody's listening..
fade out; if noone's watching..
but stop and think; if it means a whole lot more..
or is it of zero meaning to you?

by all means, wait if you must;
but never put up anything in exchange for what is vague..
unless you're so sure of the morning sun rising again;
and never burns you forever more..
for if it's meant to be, then it's worth the wait;
and only He knows best of 'what's and 'when's.


p/s: from a friend to a friend